Charlotte, N.C.: If nothing else, what happened with Eliot Spitzer has exploded the myth of the high price call girl. No, the guy isn't paying the big bucks to get a woman with the body of a Hooters waitress (nothing against Hooters waitresses, it's just a convenient icon) and a master's degree in particle physics who is also multilingual, spent summers in Paris, and spends weekends volunteering at a soup kitchen. No, the infamous object of Spitzer's attention was a girl from New Jersey with a high school degree, a myspace page, admitted drug use, and a vocabulary that includes the phrase, "like, dude, do you want the sex"? In other words, neither good nor bad, just normal. A normal girl. So what makes someone risk it all on normal, when at home sits a woman who is, by all accounts, rather special? As a 40-something woman myself, I'm genuinely curious and I bet I speak for many women like me. Our competition isn't a fantasy girl, it's the kid next door. Does it truly come down to age and looks? I'm not sure if I should be relieved or worried.
Carolyn Hax: Maybe the competition is competition precisely for her lack of ability to compete. But that almost seems too pat.
I had to think about that for a few minutes. And then register a huge, screaming OUCH.
Because this is a big fear of mine, as I'm sure it is for any woman who would kinda sorta not like to be cheated on... I can compete with brains, I can sometimes compete with beauty, and youth, hell, it's overrated. But what no self-respecting woman can compete with is the idea of this young girl who will do whatever you want with no questions, who doesn't challenge your authority, and who you can treat like a piece of trash without having to be accountable.
It can be argued that a man who wants that is a man not worth having. But really. After ten years of marriage, children, mortgages, all the rest of it, how many women escape the 3am night sweats wondering, "Am I boring? Am I too much work?" I mean, the whole cliche behind mid-life crisis is that the wife represents the part of the man's life he's desperately trying to outrun, not that she's done anything wrong. My mother worked in an office, right around the time that Travis left. She worked with a group of women between the ages of 45 and 55. At least 5 husbands attached to that group of women just flat up and disappeared. It's like a leukemia cluster... it's so damnably hard to deny that there's something awful going on, but you're still desperately hoping that it's not a pattern.
I think I'm an intelligent, interesting woman. I really am afraid sometimes that this makes me unattractive to men. You spend your life telling yourself, "No, that's just a stereotype, men rise above needing some little nothing to lord it over, men aren't like that anymore." And then here comes Spitzer... dropping loads of cash on a woman who couldn't lick his wife's boots. And the only reason I can think of is that she tweaked his need to be superior to his woman.
Women are left wondering, is it just a few men here and there who are like this, or is this something that every man, no matter how wonderful, is going to need at some point? Maybe not now, but later... after you've already given half your life to him. A wife is limited in her ability to make her hubby feel like a god when she's spent the morning washing skid marks out of his undies.
This is x-posted to another blog, and it occurs to me... this is one of the things I haven't blogged about in awhile.