Wiseacre (ewin) wrote,

  • Mood:

Lemon curry?

"This just in... law enforcement has apprehended a radical research science group who were found to be doing illegal surgical operations on waterfowl off the Maine coast."

*image of perturbed-looking duck sitting on a pier, with tubes and rods poking out of it*

"One of their experiments, the duck you see here, is now capable of bizarre biological functions.  Environmental officials have roped off this stretch of beach in the hopes of rescuing other specimens, but veterinarians do not know if they can be saved.  We now read out to you the hundred step process used to surgically alter the bird.  First step:  you need five feet of plastic tubing and six AA batteries..."

At that point, my alarm went off.

I promise you, during the dream, I was deeply horrified by what had been done to the bird.  I think I was even horrified that the news was offering instructions on how the process was done.  (A hundred step process?  How long was the program?)

But when I woke up, I have to confess that my first thought was, "Dude.  Ducks?  They were doing mad-scientist style vivisection on DUCKS?"

Ducks.  With tubing.  Very uncomfortable ducks.

So, my alarm had gone off at 5am, as it does every morning.  This is my optimistic shot in the dark:  I always offer myself the possibility that I might get up and go for a run.  Since the wedding, I haven't gone even once.  I always get up, turn it off, and go back to sleep until 8.

But this morning, I woke up from that dream, got out of bed, looked at the nice, comfy-looking bed, and thought, "You know what?  I'm not going back to sleep.  God knows what else my brain is capable of this morning."

So I went for a run, which was good, and hopefully my brain will be a little bit clearer today, thanks to the wonders of modern science and the heinous misuse of ducks.

And no, I'm NOT going to tell you what the bizarre biological functions were...
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