Wiseacre (ewin) wrote,

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More newfood

It's several days later, and yup, I'm still reading the McSweeney's newfood article.  Latest excerpt:
Orange Juice With Vanilla
Submitted by Rebecca Blakley

My boyfriend invented this a while ago and, ever since, has walked a little more like a cowboy. He says it makes the orange juice taste "smooth."  Whenever we have guests over, he hurriedly assembles a batch and then presses a glass upon each person in turn, saying things like, "Try it, it's awesome," or, "You'll want the recipe," or, "Can you taste the smoothness?"  Most people quietly finish the portion assigned them.  No one has ever asked for a second glass.

I, however, am not nervous about voicing my dissent.  "Stop doing this to all of our orange juice!" I tell him.  After a recent day of disturbingly long discussion, my boyfriend finally agreed, with the infuriating air of an often-kicked puppy, to leave the orange juice un-vanilla-ed.  Since then, he has begun sneaking into the kitchen and doing it while I sleep.
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