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01 January 2011 @ 02:12 pm
Resolutions for 2011  

Last year, I resolved a great many things, few or none of which I accomplished, but that's per usual and I'm not too disheartened over it.

But in June, I made one resolution that really seemed to hit home for me, and I've actually made some progress with that one:  I resolved to try to beat some of my insecurities, because I felt that they were officially harming me and holding me back and, well, doing nothing whatsoever of any good or any usefulness.

And to some extent, I've made some headway on that.  I've, if not broken, at least led a few hearty attacks against destructive thought patterns (things like, "Everybody has to like me or I've failed," and "I have to be unsurpassably brilliant in order to be allowed to be creative").  Go me!

In that vein, I have another somewhat amorphous resolution for this year, one whose time has come:  I resolve to stop being proud of myself when I am productive and accomplished, this year.

It's not that I can't feel good, I most certainly can.  But I want to stop one particularly self-destructive thought pattern I have:  the yang side is feeling that when my ADD kicks me in the ass, it's my fault and I am a failure.  The yin side is feeling that when I have managed to accomplish something despite my various issues, that I've done what I ought and should applaud me.

The reality is, I have good days and bad days, and my moments of awesomeness are all-too-often a matter of simple luck and the alignment of my nerve cells in a cooperative configuration.

For 2011, I resolve to take my good days as well as my bad days in stride, and love myself irrespective of how I perform on a daily basis.  I've finally reached a point in my life where I no longer feel terrified that if I don't constantly hound myself to be more perfect, I'll somehow turn into a bad person.  I can afford to laugh at my spells of productivity as well as my trenches of sloth, encompass both sides into a part of the meaning of who I am, and appreciate being this one whole person.

Also, I wanna lose weight, make it to work on time, yadda yadda.
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
sleepygoof8784: Militant Librariansleepygoof8784 on January 1st, 2011 09:58 pm (UTC)
God this! I second this so hard. I need to embrace this idea of accepting that if people don't like me I'm not a failure. And the ying and yang of accomplishments. Just yeah. I think you took the words right out of my mouth.

And I too am hoping to loose weight, write more, be on time. And most importantly, get mentally healthy(er)
irene_adler on January 2nd, 2011 04:51 am (UTC)
I like that. I've resolved something similar, which is to start taking myself more seriously, even -- especially -- when I think I am being ridiculous.